My husband says I am stubborn.  I like to call it determined.  When I set my mind to do something I can accomplish almost anything.  I decided that I was strong enough to make it through the entire 30 minutes of Insanity Max: 30.  Now if you don't know anything about this program, its tough and designed to push you to the point that you fail.  That is how you get better.  Well, like I said, I am determined and I did it.  The picture above is taken right after the work out when I collapsed on the floor where I remained for several minutes as I caught my breath. 

I have tried to take that same determination to how I deal with food but with different results. In my 30's I maintained my weight with an unhealthy relationship with food and being very restrictive in what I ate.  Since that time, I have learned a lot about eating to be healthy rather than to be skinny.   Because I am determined, I can be really successful when I am extremely focused but when I lose that focus I really struggle.  I came back from Mexico and in to the holiday season and have had a serious sugar issue going on.  Once I start, its really hard to break.  In my 30's I would have placed strict rules on myself and beat myself up if I failed.  Today my approach is different. 

I have learned that relying on my own determination (or stubbornness) is not the best way to live.  Galatians 5:22-23 is a familiar verse to many but how often do we really dig in to it.  It says " But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law".  The self control I actually need is what happens when I allow the Holy Spirit to dwell in me and fill me with this fruit.  When I rely on my strength in God rather than my own strength.

So as I am facing my sugar cravings today I am not relying on being strong or determined.  I am relying on the self control that comes from submitting to God's spirit working in my life.  It also does not hurt to remind myself that if I am working this hard, I want to see the results of my hard work.  I am focusing on what I want MOST rather than what I want NOW. While I would love to have great results from doing this amazing program, what I what MOST is to glorify God with the way I lead my life and serve others.